


Doctor Jackson, I Presume

by Princess of Geeks (Princess)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: AU, First Time, Genderqueer, Other, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-13
Updated: 2010-03-13
Packaged: 2017-10-07 23:12:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princess/pseuds/Princess%20of%20Geeks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a prequel to Karmageddon's story "Myths to Live By," (link at bottom) which describes an established relationship between Daniel and Jack, and in this universe Daniel is genderqueer. The story haunted me and KG was kind enough let me write this. This is the beginning of their intimate relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doctor Jackson, I Presume

**Author's Note:**

It wasn't until Saturday night that Sam became concerned. She'd gotten Daniel's voicemail repeatedly, on both the land line and the cell. Finally she called the colonel.

"No, I haven't heard anything," O'Neill said.

"Um," Sam said.

"Maybe... out of town? Conference in Denver? We're on stand-down until Monday."

"Maybe," Sam said, knowing O'Neill was just trying to be helpful, yet aggravated unreasonably that he didn't know any more than she did.

She waited until Monday, and discovered that her teammate's lab, while full of its strewn papers, leather-bound journals, and artifacts, remained empty of its archaeologist. Sam bit her lip and went to Janet. If Janet didn't know anything, she would go to the general.

"Doctor Jackson has taken some leave," Janet said.

"You knew about this," O'Neill demanded, suddenly appearing at Sam's shoulder, like the popup toy that was his namesake.

Janet just stared at them, implacable.

"Is she all right?" O'Neill demanded. Sam was glad of his bluster. Janet might not tell them a thing, but the colonel had more official right to ask than Sam did. She and Daniel were friends, yes, but the mercurial personality of her friend always concealed as much as it revealed.

"Yes," Janet said firmly. "And I'm sure Doctor Jackson will be contacting you very soon. And I really can't say any more than that."

Sam couldn't help but smile at how O'Neill sputtered. Janet's word was law.

And when Sam got back to her own lab, she was relieved and delighted to see that she had a voicemail.

_"Hi, Sam. I'm fine, I'm home, don't try to bully Doctor Fraiser; I asked her not to say anything. I should be back at work in a few days."_

She punched O'Neill's extension, but it rang over to voicemail. She sighed and headed for Hammond's office, where she expected to find the colonel. O'Neill should hear the voicemail before he made the general mad at him for prying. Unless he'd gotten one of his own.

*

They all decided to go over there together. All three of them, like a team intervention. They had pizza and a bag of gourmet coffee as a peace offering.

Jack rapped on the door. "Doc-tor Jack-son.... Jackson! We know you're in there."

Glances exchanged. Not sheepish, not yet. Teal'c stoic beneath his bad-boy bandanna. Carter calm, at least on the outside.

The sounds of the chain being taken down, the deadbolt unlocked. Jack exhaled. The door opened to the sight of Jackson's receding back, and familiar, tousled short hair. The team followed, into the living room. Jackson sat carefully on the edge of the sofa, arms firmly around waist. Jack frowned. That was never a good sign.

"Hey," Carter said. "Thanks for letting us come in. Despite the rather excessive banging." She glanced at Jack.

"We brought pizza," Jack said, ever hopeful.

"Thanks, guys. Really. You didn't need to. But I should have known you wouldn't be satisfied with what Janet could tell you."

"Which was nothing, other than that you had taken medical leave," Teal'c said.

The three of them sat, carefully. Waiting. Not knowing whether to worry, or ... not.

Jackson sighed, still self-hugging. "It was elective surgery, all right? I don't want any of you to get upset about this. I'm fine."

"Surgery," Jack said.

"Do you need anything?" Carter said.

"Um. No. Not right now."

"And how long will you be out?" Jack insisted.

"A couple of weeks? It depends."

"And maybe your team leader might have wanted to know this, ahead of time?"

Jackson looked away. "I'm sorry, Jack. I just... there isn't any graceful way to handle this. You can ask Janet about my recovery timetable; but it wasn't invasive surgery and I should be fine very soon."

"I don't understand," Carter said carefully.

Jack folded his arms. "But you're okay," he harped.

"Yes," Jackson insisted, meeting their eyes in turn. She wasn't lying. Jack was pretty sure.

They ate the pizza. Jackson moved carefully. Jack couldn't tell what had happened. He made himself not ask.

It was all very unsatisfying.

The small talk was careful, and as the pizza disappeared, everybody seemed to relax. Finally, Jackson went to the French doors overlooking the balcony and looked through them and, Jack could tell, prepared to make a speech. Jack stiffened.

Jackson didn't turn around, but addressed the view of downtown Colorado Springs. "Look. I'm feeling my way here. Here's what's happening. I'm making some surgical changes to my body that will better bring it in line with what I know myself to be. But honestly. I shouldn't be out very long. I hope to be back on missions right away."

There was a silence. Jackson still didn't turn around, maybe not wanting to see their reactions.

Jack said, "Surgical. Changes."

"Yes," Jackson said.

Jack cleared his throat. Awkward? Personal? This was so far beyond TMI that he had no word for it, but, it was Jackson, for crying out loud, they had a history, and, well, he'd always rushed in where angels feared to tread.... "Not that we have any say here, but is this a bit ... drastic? We're happy for you to be yourself however you want; it's your call. You know that. But... surgery?"

Jackson turned, frowning. "Do you really think I would do something so drastic if it wasn't _necessary_?"

Jack looked blank. He wasn't sure he knew how felt, but he sure as hell knew he didn't want to piss Jackson off. He glanced at Carter; she was frowning, but sympathetic. Teal'c was his impassive self, but his body language conveyed an inescapable frisson of listening. Of compassion. Jack reined himself in. That was Jackson for you -- always with the comprehensive solution; always needing everything fixed, everything tidy and nailed down. Jesus Christ.

Jackson had turned back to the view. "I can afford it, I need to do it, I've been evaluated, I'm doing it. Period."

"Well, of course," Jack said, responding to the emotion in her voice, if not the logic behind it. The incomprehensible, relentless logic.

"And...." It was hard, what Jackson was about to say. Jack heard the strain come into her voice. Jack pricked up his ears. "I need your support."

"Of course," Carter said, instantly and sincerely. Jack licked his lips.

*

Jack showed up 45 minutes before Jackson would have taken off from home for the follow up visit with the breast surgeon.

Jackson wasn't happy to see him.

"How did you know I had an appointment today?"

Jack had hacked into Janet's records. He might or might not have had help from Carter. He would never tell. "Oh, you know how it is," Jack said, breezing his way in. "You don't want to drive yet, do you? I imagine you're still a little sore?"

"Sam told you what the surgery was?"

"She told me," Jack said, looking down, still standing by the open door.

"We'll be early," Jackson said, curtly, and led the way downstairs to Jack's truck.

*

Jackson was back on the team sooner than Jack would have expected. His mind shied away from the clinical words for the procedure Jackson had undergone, words he associated with cancer, with older female relatives, with hushed tragedy.

None of that applied here. He did notice that Jackson also had a new haircut; a little shorter, but nothing too radical by Jack's standards. She'd always worn short hair, but then, so many AF women did, that Jack was used to the style. He had to stop and think to decide if it was significant to Jackson or not, in light of everything else that was going on.

*

One night over beers at a sports bar, Jackson said to no one and to all three of them, "You're going to notice the hormone treatments more."

"More?" Carter said.

"More than the surgery I had."

"Ah," Jack said. "What was that, fair warning?"

"Or something," Jackson said, grinning. The grin was good to see. It had been a while.

*

Jackson was right about them seeing a difference.

She'd always possessed a kind of androgynous beauty, Jack had thought, when he'd let himself think about it. Eschewing makeup, never dressing in skirts or anything frilly, even when they were off duty and having some team downtime. Never stereotypically feminine even compared to Carter, who was no one's idea of a girly girl even out of uniform.

But the hormone treatments did make a difference.

The other staff had missed the surgery, because of the baggy uniforms. But they didn't miss this.

People Jack knew well, people who weren't afraid of him, who wouldn't flinch even if he bit their heads off, people like Ferretti and Boyd, they asked him. And he really didn't know what to say. He fumbled for words. He realized that, sooner or later, he'd have to ask Jackson directly for guidance. He sighed at the thought.

*

Scrubbing her hair with a towel, biting her lip, keeping her eyes on the hem of Daniel's white terry cloth robe, which matched her own, Sam leaned a shoulder against a locker.

"Um, Daniel."

A blue sidelong glance.

"As far as I'm concerned, if you want to keep using this locker room indefinitely, I'm fine with that. I think it should be your call. You know how weird the guys can be. And you started out here. I'm totally comfortable with you; that won't change. It's just--"

"Thank you," Daniel said, interrupting calmly. Sam hoped she hadn't been rude or out of place.

But apparently she hadn't been. Because Daniel stayed.

Sam wasn't trying to pry, or to watch. It really was Daniel's business and no one else's. Sam was clear about that.

But soon after, upon return from a mission, they started talking, half dressed, about something they'd noticed in the energy signatures from the ruins on PXR-326, and Sam happened to register that Daniel was wearing men's boxers now.

Daniel always had preferred fairly unisex clothes, off duty. Comfortable clothes. Jeans, sweaters, nothing remarkable. But the change to boxers registered. Sam had schooled herself not to look, not to notice how the silhouette of Daniel's torso had changed after the surgery.

Sam was so focused on not making Daniel's upper body her business, that she hadn't remembered to not look at the boxers.

*

It was late when they got back from PX3-941, after massive long feasts to celebrate and proclaim the new trinium treaty. They all were relaxed and tired and happy that the mission had come to such a successful conclusion.

Daniel was waiting for her on the bench by the lockers when Sam got out of the shower.

"I want to tell you something, Sam."

Sam looked receptive. Daniel cleared her throat. She was doing that a lot lately, as if it was hard to get used to her voice.

"I'll never be moving to the men's locker room. And I appreciate it that you let me know it was okay to stay here, and that you were, are, fine with that."

Sam started to speak, to reassure, but Daniel raised a hand. "What I'm doing may seem to you like I'm transitioning to looking like a man, but it's not that." Daniel paused a moment, as if the words were sinking in as they were spoken. "It's not that."

"Whatever you say." Sam hoped she didn't look or sound as puzzled as she felt.

"Yeah," Daniel said, smiling a smile of discovery, of revelation, that Sam had seen before, when a translation finally came clear, when an artifact's purpose was revealed. "It is."

*

Jackson was working on that new alien language they'd found on 398, hunched over what looked like scrolls, scribbling notes in longhand, when Jack poked his head into the lab.

"Question," Jack said.

"Hmm?" Jackson said, looking up, probably expecting to be nagged about lunchtime or the coffee supply.

"Pronouns," Jack said, enunciating carefully.

Jackson grinned. It was sudden -- solemnity to sunshine. "Thank you," Jackson said, and it sounded so heartfelt. It wasn't an answer, but Jack could hear the unsaid things, could fill in the gratitude over Jack asking, Jack wanting to get it right. Not blowing it off. A kind of surprised delight lit Jackson's face. Seeing the reaction made Jack's expression soften, as if in sympathy.

It was great to see, sure, but it wasn't an answer. Jack did the eyebrow-raise, and waited.

Still smiling like an angel, Jackson said, "I'll get back to you on that."

*

A few weeks later, Jack had refilled his cup with gourmet coffee out of the private stash and had gotten up to leave the lab, wrapping a post-mission private briefing on the pro's and con's of further diplomatic overtures to the feudal society on PXR-444, now prepared to knock out his final report on the snafu'd mission, when he turned back, Columbo-like, and said, "By the way...."

The corner of Jackson's mouth quirked. "I know. Pronouns."

Jack raised his eyebrows higher, and was met with an almost imperceptible shake of Jackson's head.

Jack nodded and took his coffee and left.

*

Chess and movie and pizza night at Sam's.

"Hey. I've arrived at the pronoun thing," Daniel said.

"Finally!" Jack said, waving his beer around. "Do you know how awkward this has been? Not having them?"

Sam smacked him. Gently. Teal'c and Daniel smiled.

"My solution is something that may seem kind of awkward to you at first. As you may have figured out, despite some of the changes I've made, I'm not a man now. What I am is something that has been variously labeled, but the term that makes the most sense to me is probably 'genderqueer.' " Jack and Sam looked puzzled but game. Teal'c looked like he always looked when he was simply listening. "It's a little broad, a little inexact, but for me it's the best available term. And so also, then, because I'm not a man _or_ a woman, the usual pronouns don't really work. They are just inadequate, and inaccurate."

"But your name is still Daniel," Jack prompted.

Sam looked at him, though talking to Daniel. "That's a name you're still comfortable with."

"Yes, bless my unconventional parents. Funny, how that turned out in the end, isn't it? As it happens.... But that's the whole point: People might have assumed Daniel wasn't an un-gendered name--"

"Like Sam," she put in.

"Right, or Chris or Lee. But that's my point exactly: Things don't match up neatly into the binary categories most people want to impose. Which brings me around to the research into appropriate pronouns. I know it might be a lot to ask, and I'm certainly not going to go around demanding that all the SGC staff do this overnight, but maybe we could start a trend. It would mean a lot to me if the three of you could get used to using _ze_ instead of he or she, and _hir_ instead of his or her."

Jack's eyebrows went up. Sam got that intent, inner, listening look.

"Go ahead," Daniel urged softly, heart beating fast. Why was this so important? To hear this on their lips? To see that these people, the ones who meant the most in the world, would be willing to try this? To accommodate something that probably made no sense to them, but was so, so critically important to Daniel? "Try it out."

"It's hir turn to buy the pizza," Jack muttered. "It's your turn to buy the pizza."

"Ze," Sam said, clearly and distinctly. "Hir."

"Thank you," Daniel said.

"We will do our best," Teal'c said. It was, simply, the truth.

*

"Hey," Sam said, appearing in the door of Daniel's lab. "Can I show you something?'

"Sure," Daniel said, easing aside when Sam came right up and touched the computer keyboard where Daniel had been working. Fast assertive keystrokes, and Sam minimized the window Daniel had been typing in and brought up the SGC personnel records. Sam quickly did a character search and brought up Daniel's own file. Daniel raised hir eyebrows.

"It was a pretty easy hack, actually. I know it's probably not ideal, but, well, it worked. The first thing I tried was to create an "Other" box, and there was just no way. The main software spit that out every time. So I hope this works well enough?" Sam leaned back and waved at the screen. Next to Daniel's official photo, both the M box and the F box were checked. "It was the best I could do. I hope it's okay."

"It's fine," Daniel said, smiling, touched, and patted her arm.

*

"Nah," Jack said, and tossed his cards in. Reynolds gathered them up with the rest of the deck. Jack willed himself not to notice how the half-dozen other team leaders were hanging on his answer, trying not to make it too obvious that they'd always thought of Jack as the leader of the freakiest team of all, and that that was multiplied tenfold now. "It's no big deal. Surely if we can handle actual aliens, this is nothing."

Reynolds shook his head, but he dealt the next hand and didn't ask any more questions.

*

It was Daniel's turn for hosting pizza and chess night, except ze claimed to have gotten tired of chess, and so they played go instead. Teal'c kicked all their asses.

Carter left to drive T. back to the mountain about 2200. Jack said goodbye to them, intending to finish the beer he'd just opened, then call it a night. But without really meaning to, as it was supposed to be their night off and all that, he was pulled back into Daniel's ongoing debate over how to make a new approach to the people on 444.

Only half-joking, Jack suggested baseball. Twinkling, Daniel, coming back from the kitchen with a cup of coffee, accused him of not taking the problem seriously.

Jack wasn't having it. "Sure, mock all you want, but you know as well as I do that bonding over hobbies or sports is a great, indirect approach! Look at how many countries all over the world have adopted baseball."

"Oh yeah? And what's so magical about baseball in particular? And by the way, why is it only the U.S. sports that we have to consider for export?"

Jack knew -- he just KNEW what was next. Daniel was winding him up. "Oh, here we go," Jack laughed, saluting with his beer. "No, Doctor Jackson, I have no idea why soccer -- all right, _football_," he amended, in response to the totally unserious glare Daniel was manufacturing, "hasn't caught on here like baseball has caught on in Japan and Central America. Is this where you want to insert your cultural hegemony speech?" Jack took a drink, anticipating the escalation. It was a rare treat to find a way to argue with Daniel about sports.

But Daniel didn't take the bait. Ze had turned toward the kitchen and was staring, suddenly quiet. Jack reviewed the last few sentences, looking for something that might have set hir off, but it was fine. It was all normal, all good, how they were, kidding around like this. Like they always did? He frowned. Daniel looked at him, suddenly, hir head swiveling abruptly.

Ze softly said, "Am I imagining that you like the way I look now. That you like it better."

Whoa, conversational whiplash. Jack blinked. Daniel looked... poised. For retreat? And strangely vulnerable, as if yearning to hear what Jack would say and yet fearing to. Jack sighed. Such a minefield here. But there was no way to lie to Daniel. Not now, not ever.

"Actually, no," Jack said, his tone light, which was the right way to walk over a minefield. Lightly. Weightlessly. "You're not imagining it."

They stared at each other. The room seemed suddenly close and small, despite the breeze through the French doors, which were ajar. Jack rolled his shoulders. Daniel's gaze was so intense. He looked away. "Sorry. I should go," Jack said. He set down his beer.

"No, wait." Daniel put out a hand and stepped closer, though Jack hadn't gotten to his feet. "I just... it's just that... It feels...." Daniel visibly gathered hir courage, squaring hir shoulders and meeting Jack's eyes again. "It feels like flirting to me, is all, and that's. That's new. And that's just surprising on so many levels."

Jack cleared his throat and put his hands on his knees. He looked around the room, anywhere but at his friend. "Look, I apologize, Doctor Jackson. It's just been... it's been really good to see you so happy. So, what... confident. You just... It really is right for you, you know? That's all. I'm happy for you and I want... I ... um, I got a little carried away with that, I guess. I apologize." He looked up to see that Daniel, listening intently, had sunk down beside him on the sofa, and then, ze put a careful hand on Jack's arm. "Really. So. Good night," Jack finished. Daniel's hand on his arm felt too warm, like the air in the room was too warm.

"Jack, stop it."

Jack waited, watching Daniel's familiar face, its curves now sharpened, the subtle differences so fresh. He was so, so busted.

Daniel hesitantly continued, "You like me this way. You like the new me, pardon the cliche," and then Daniel smiled. Daniel's glance had danced over Jack's face, touching down nowhere, and now ze was looking at Jack's mouth.

Which was suddenly dry. "Yeah. I do," Jack managed to say.

Daniel leaned in -- slowly, so slowly. Jack inhaled. He wanted to let the kiss happen, wanted to so damn bad. But he leaned back and put a hand on Daniel's shoulder.

"Look," Jack said. Words didn't want to come out of his throat. He swallowed. "We can't just do this. We have to talk about it first if it happens at all, which it shouldn't." He could smell Daniel now -- comforting Italian spices, some kind of sharp undernote that might be cologne or deodorant, and skin-warmed cotton. It was like getting drunk, getting that hit of Daniel, up close. So close.

"But you want it to." Daniel had let him stop the kiss, but ze wasn't deterred. Daniel was still leaning in.

_Free fall._ "Yes, I do."

"Okay, then," Daniel said, flushed and warm and still surprised. Jack found his hand had moved from Daniel's shoulder. It was cupping Daniel's neck, and still moving, sliding up so that he could sink fingertips into Daniel's hair, press his palm against the soft clipped line along hir nape. Hir lips were parted. Ze continued, sounding distracted, "I'm just trying to.... It's the commanding officer thing, isn't it. The team-leader harassment thing." Daniel turned hir head toward the involuntary caress Jack was still delivering, hir eyes falling closed. Jack could feel the weight of hir head. Jack couldn't stop petting. Even though he knew he shouldn't be doing it. Shouldn't be touching, not like this.

"Of course it's that," Jack said.

Daniel grinned, eyes flying open. It made Jack grin, too. God, Daniel was beautiful. "But, see, it's fine. It's not an issue. I'm a civilian. I barely follow your orders on a good day. I never even call you 'colonel.' You're just 'Jack' to me. Have been. Since day one."

"Well. Yeah."

Daniel searched Jack's face, and then brought their mouths close again, still smiling, and Jack let it happen, let Daniel press hir lips to Jack's -- soft and warm and damp and tasting of pizza and home.

And Daniel leaned back, after a kiss that Jack realized wasn't nearly long enough, but there was more curiosity sparking in hir eyes, and there was apparently more to say. Even though Jack had apparently decided he was down with the kissing.

"But then, are you queer? Because--"

Jack smiled, delight now chasing arousal through his middle, and put up a hand, asking for silence. Daniel stopped in midsentence.

Jack looked into hir eyes and said, carefully, thoughtfully, "Yes."

Daniel frowned. "But. You were married."

Jack said, deadpan, "Isn't it the height of rudeness to ask someone to explain or to justify their sexual orientation to you?"

Daniel shook hir head, the picture of rueful, and laughed aloud. "I've created a monster."

Jack laughed, too, and took Daniel's head gently in his hands and brought their lips together again.

The new kiss took a while to end, and it tasted of so many things, of friendship and risk and love and things unveiled. Jack scooted closer, wanting to press against Daniel's warmth. "Usually this part goes much better with a fireplace," he observed, against Daniel's mouth.

"We'll just have to make do, then," Daniel said, and tightened hir arm around Jack's waist, and the next kiss took even much longer to wind down than the first two had. In fact, it took until morning.

 

end


End file.
